Therapy Session

Please, come in. Have a seat. It's good to see you again.

I was looking at our records recently and see that you've been coming to see me for six months now and I don't think that my usual approach has been working. You seem as stunted and depressed now as you did then.

That leads me to wonder if you'd be up to trying a more ambitious form of treatment; hypnotherapy.

If you're game, I'll just go ahead and dim a few of the lights. I'm just going to turn around my clock so you can see it. I want you to look at the second hand. You see the way it moves back and forth ticking off the seconds? Good. That's what I want you to look at as you listen to my voice. All right?

Now, I'm going to talk to you and I need you to just listen to my voice and let my words wash over you; to flow through you.

The most important thing I need you to do right now is to relax. Breathe in through your mouth and out through your nose. Nice and easy. With each breath you're going to feel more and more relaxed. You'll feel the muscles in your neck getting looser. You'll feel your arms feeling like they're just dead weights hanging to your sides. You'll feel your legs getting heavier.

If your eyes get heavy you can close them. Just think about that second hand ticking away. Each time that hand moves from side to side you'll get even more relaxed. You'll feel like you're just sinking right back into the couch. The soft material just enveloping you. Your body getting more relaxed. With each breath. With each word from my lips. Deeper you go.

Down and down and down... Until the worries of the world just drift away. Until there's nothing left but the sound of my voice.

When I snap my fingers, you will be completely under. You will be able to speak to me from the place deep inside you that you've never shown anyone else. It will just be you and I, no judgement, no fear, no worry.

Three... two... one... >snap<

Nod your head if you can hear me. Very good.

We're now in the place you never show anyone. This is where your secrets live. Just like the clock, I think I know what makes you tick but I think you've been too afraid to tell me. Too proud. Too manly. You're living under expectations of what make you you.

Each week you come in here and tell me about how difficult things are for you but it all comes down to one central premise, doesn't it? Isn't it that you're not being honest with yourself? Isn't there something inside of you that means you've been living a lie every day?

You're hiding from yourself. From the real you. I think you're ready to meet the real you. I think it's time you saw what you really are. What you really look like. What really makes you tick... tock... tick...

When I count to three and snap my fingers, you're going to open your eyes and see the person you really are. You're going to look in the mirror next to me and see exactly who you've been denying. It may be scary but there's nothing to worry about. It's just you and me... even if it looks like there's another person in the room, it's just the two of us together right now. Do you understand? Good.

One... two... three. >snap:lt; Open your eyes.

Do you see her? Do you see the pretty girl? That's you. That's the girl that lives inside of you. She's the girl you've been denying.

Look at her. Look at her face. See her pretty mouth? Those lovely eyes? The soft hair that frames her face? She's the girl that has lived in you for so long; since you were a little boy. Now you're a man and she's a woman. She's been with you every step of the way. You've been hiding her from everyone but now it's time to finally bring her out and look at her. Meet her. Understand who she is and what she needs.

Stand up.

Look at her body. Your body. See the curves. See the way her breasts fill out her blouse. Your blouse. Look at her hips. Your hips. See her legs under her skirt. Your skirt. She's lovely. You're lovely. Why have you been hiding her so long? I know why. You were afraid of her. Afraid to even acknowledge that she was there. But she is. She's here with us now. And she's beautiful. More than that, she's been trying to get out for so long.

You've been frustrated with so many things in your life. Have you ever thought that this may come from the internal struggle? This girl has been in you for all these years, waiting to see the light of day, but you've been afraid of what might happen if she came out. Well, she's out now, isn't she? And you're okay. You're safe.

I want you to touch her. Run your hands up her sides. Warm. Run your hands along her arms. Smooth. Touch her face. Soft. Slide your hands down over her bottom. Squeeze. Now bring your hands up over her stomach. Flat. Up to the swell of her breasts. Lovely.

Those are your breasts. Your stomach. Your bottom. Your face. Your arms. Your sides. All of her... you.

There's one more place I need you to feel. Reach down between your legs now. There's nothing to be afraid of.

Slide your fingers inside of your skirt. Down under the elastic of your panties. Down over the downy hairs. Yes. You are a girl. There's nothing there between your legs that you had before. You're free of that burden. But, instead, you can feel the folds of flesh, the wetness, the warmth of your pussy.

No, no... don't cry pretty girl. It's all right. I know it's a lot for you to take in. It's okay. I'm here. I'll help you deal with this. I've known since the day we met that you had this girl inside of you and I hoped I could introduce you to her in a slightly less dramatic way but you were resistant to everything. But.. seeing is believing... and I see that you haven't taken your hand out of your panties yet.

It feels good, doesn't it? Tell me how good your pussy feels. Put your fingers inside of yourself. Open your pretty, painted mouth and breathe. Smell your excitement. Did you ever think you'd smell that good? Did you ever think you'd feel as good? As free? As pretty? Because you feel pretty, don't you? I know you do.

Think about it... think about how pretty you can feel if you let your inner girl out. She wants to come out more often. She wants to play. She's been hidden for so long and she's so horny, isn't she?

Feel the way your pussy grips at your fingers. That poor pussy's been neglected for so long. Slide your fingers over that hard nubbin and feel how good you can make yourself feel.

That girl needs to cum, doesn't she? After all these years, just imagine how frustrated she is. Just imagine how much she needs release. Look at her there in the mirror and watch how her mouth works, opening and closing, gasping for breath. Look at the way her breasts strain against her blouse. Feel how hard her nipples are getting. Your nipples. Feel how wet her pussy is. Your pussy. Feel her orgasm building. Your orgasm. Yes, own it. Own what a sexy bitch you are. Own how bad you need to cum. Own who you are and know that I can bring this girl out of you whenever I need her to be.

From now on, whenever I say, "Bring out the girl," and snap my fingers, you will shed all of your masculinity and let me see this girl. You'll see her as well... And, if you're good. I will let you make yourself cum just like you're doing now.

When I count to three you will cum for me. You'll orgasm as a girl for the first time.

One... two... three. >snap<

Now, sit back down. Close your eyes. And just breathe for me.

Good.

I will now bring you back to consciousness. When I snap my fingers you will forget what's happened here but you will know that it was good. The next time you feel those feelings of frustration, I want you to call me. Do you understand? Good.

One... two... three. >snap<

That's it. Open your eyes. That was a very good session. Did anything happen? No, no. It was just an experiment to see if you were even capable of being hypnotized. We can try this again next week and maybe we'll make some progress. Does that sound good? Excellent.

Well, it looks like our time is up for the week. Make sure to make an appointment on the way out and I'll see you soon.

Zazie Beetz

Moon Girl

Cheesecake

Shanghai Surprise - Follow-up

A few weeks ago I wrote about my time in Shanghai. There's a lot of things on this site that are fictional -- I try to mark those as "fantasy" -- but there are some very real things too. I've written about my past with some brutal honesty -- or as honest as I can handle.

Elena is based very much on a real person and that story was nearly 100% true.

As I write this, my heart is breaking. It's been a little over six months since I've seen Elena and she told me yesterday that she's started seeing other people.

The thing is, I shouldn't be angry or upset about this. I didn't want her wasting her life in Shanghai waiting for me to come back as I'm still not sure that I will. I've applied to over 500 jobs (not exaggerating) since I left without any luck. I've also been trying my best to finagle another trip back via my current employer.

I made an agreement with Elena that I would come back to the U.S., work on my marriage, and try to salvage my relationship here. And, I've been trying. I've been going to couple's counseling since January though not much has changed. Elena was my planned escape route. I told her and I told myself that I'd give my relationship with my wife six months and if things hadn't improved that I'd file for divorce.

Elena didn't wait the full six months. I could tell a few weeks ago that things had changed between us. Then yesterday she told me that she'd been dating for the last month. So now I feel betrayed and hurt, though I really shouldn't. What's worse is that I don't have anyone to talk to about this. I made a promise to Elena that I wouldn't tell my therapist about her. I only ever told one friend about her and I don't feel right dumping all over them.

So now I'm alone with my feelings for the most part. As I drove home last night, listening to my "teach yourself Chinese" CD, I started crying and couldn't stop.

Now I have no reason to go back to China. All of the plans and hopes that I had have been dashed.

I feel awful.