Mar 18, 2010

Observation From a Friend

A friend of mine made this observation about me today.

You are living outside of your needs. You are living with your true desires unfulfilled. You've accepted a marriage where you need to hide your true self (playing with pros on the side) or live without them (not getting emotional support about your projects, etc). And you've accepted a job that exhausts you too much to explore writing with all the energy you can. You've basically landed yourself in a NORMAL life 'accidentally.' It's crept up on you and now you spend 90% of your time trying desperately to hide who you are (brilliant, kinky, and DIFFERENT) and just how needy, depressed and lonely you really are.

If I had to take a stab, I would guess that you had some real unhealthy habits in real life -- at the very least, the depression. And at the most, perhaps escapism and addictions. And until you can find a way to get some integrity in your life, which is, a way to be true to your REAL self, you will be depressed no matter how much therapy you go through.

By addictions I meant... compulsive shopping, video gaming, eating, perhaps an eating DISORDER, who knows. But something that distracts you from how bad you feel.

I can't say how much I agree with this. That is, she's really captured exactly what's going on. The last time I felt truly in touch with myself; my needs, my emotions, I managed to take control of my life and lose 100 pounds, change careers, and get myself happy. Not it's just a matter of changing...

1 comment:

Unknown said...

This is a brilliant observation of you. And to be fair, it a good observation of most people. It would be much easier on you and everyone around you if you started doing/living for yourself. Stop trying to conform to societal standards that are ridiculous on a good day. Be who you want to be and everything in your life with flourish. Things that aren't good for you will drop away. But she's right this is why you're depressed. We all love you, but we'd love you more if you would allow yourself to be happy.