Mar 16, 2009

Mother's Milk

I was looking at a posting from asking for people to tell their "Fetish story" and I thought, "Oh, I wonder if they'd be interested in mine...". Digging through this site, I thought for sure I must have written reams about my early fetish days. No, not so much.

When people ask me how long I've been submissive I always answer, "For as long as I can remember." I didn't actually know the terminology for what I was until I was 18. Before that, I just knew that I was different in some way, I just couldn't put my finger on it.

When I was a pre-teen I was inordinately infatuated with Cat Woman (the Julie Newmar incarnation) from Batman. I recall her tying up Batman and Robin with a Gordian knot and this stayed in my head for a long time. There was also a superhero made completely out of rope--the appropriately-named "Rope Man" from Ralph Bakshi's Mighty Heroes--who used to interest me.

Mighty Heroes also included the character of "Baby Man"; a tyke in a cape who was always suckling at his bottle. Though a toddler, he was still wise beyond his years. Something about him sparked my imagination, making me wonder what it would be like to be treated like an infant at an older age. Likewise, there was some television show or film where characters were age-regressed back to an infantile state. This seemed like both a devious punishment and a blessing as I was completely obsessed with breasts.

Those lovely protuberances were my first fetish object. I loved looking at breasts. Big ones, little ones, it didn't matter. I was always hungry for more. I think this thirst came from my need for nourishment; emotionally and physically. I wasn't breast fed as a baby and the idea that breasts could provide both something aesthetically pleasing as well as tummy-filling blew my mind.

My mind kept going to the idea of being reduced from my pre-teen self to a baby where I was completely dependent on a strong woman who would make me do what she wanted and who would feed me via her breasts. Not knowing much better, I thought that this would be wholly sexually gratifying to the woman. My suckling would be her pleasure.

Quickly this fantasy morphed into something where the breast milk itself brought about the transformation. This meant that I would be essentially seduced, feed, and changed, becoming increasingly reliant on the woman. And, eventually, the "magic breast milk" idea changed again to have different powers; different depending on the woman. Yes, this meant that I was fantasizing about multiple females, all in charge of me. I would be passed around from one to another, helpless.

These thoughts stayed with me until I started puberty and realized that, along with my own blossoming sexual organs, that women had things going on below the waist. Thus began my love affair with pussy and my burgeoning sexual fantasy life. I didn't think about infantalism again but I still entertained the idea of being helpless and being used by several women, almost like a commodity. I would while away the afternoons, flogging my "newfound" penis and imagining being traded amongst the women that lived on my block.

In the years afterwards, I didn't go back to the idea of being a baby again. I love Mommy/son roleplaying but don't necessarily engage in any kind of "age regression." Still, I never lost the lust for being used for pleasure and, in exchange, being taken care of. And, when it comes down to it, that's what my entire attitude of submission amounts to.

<panting> Whew. That was the first time I thought about some of those things since they were originally on my mind. I've discussed my love of Cat Woman and Mighty Heroes before but I'd put the whole infantalism safely away in a back closet. Even back then one can see my love of science fiction coming through with the different "formulas" for different effects. Kind of like the various forms of Kryptonite that cripple Superman.

BTW, it would be decades before I finally got my first taste of breast milk. You can read about that here.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

That was pretty hot, in hearing about how you came to find your interest in submission. It was nice hearing someone else' take on how they found who they are inside.