Feb 18, 2007

Great Question / Lousy Answer

I had a great question today. "What were you like in high school?" Wow. That kind of blew my mind. It might be simple for some folks to recall their youthful days but, for me, I tend to block out unpleasantness; not being able to recall much since a week from last Tuesday.

In all seriousness, I have a tenuous hold on a mental image of myself from those formative years. Awkwardly shy, painfully lonesome, visciously sarcastic, ceaselessly horny; yes, some of those may be completely contradictary but that's what I was or, at least, how I saw myself.

It was an eye-opener a few years back when I had dinner with an old high school acquaintance. I was absolutely obsessed with her so I was curious how I came off. Turns out, she thought I was incredibly mean. I tore down people mercilessly. Not a good way to get girls, eh? No wonder I had a three-times-a-day masturbation habit.

In case you're wondering, I didn't fantasize about boys or men when I was a teen. I still don't, usually. I fantasized about the women in my neighborhood, the girls at school, and the women on TV or movies that I found attractive. I always loved the idea of powerful women, be they Cat Woman (Julie Newmar), the Amazons of Venus (ABBOTT & COSTELLO GO TO MARS), or the Winter Witch (THE LION, THE WITCH & THE WARDROBE). My first memory of masturbation was over the images of a man in a cage from some cheesey softcore film (perhaps STEWARDESS SCHOOL). The way I say it is that I was always submissive, I just didn't know the name for it or that anyone else felt the same way until I was 18 and got my hands on my first fetish magazine. Thank goodness for Nugget!

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