Dec 22, 2006

Male History

This is one area that I don't tend to write or think about too often as it's been fairly unsatisfactory. I wanted to fill in some blanks here with my history with men.

I wrote about my "E-Ticket Ride" with Larry but haven't talked about how I broke my bisexual cherry yet... That happened during a very rough time of my life when I was feeling myself out back in 1997.

Through Yahoo Personals I found a charming young man who claimed he was apartment watching for a friend. Throwing caution (and good sense) to the wind, I drove up at lunch time to see him. I don't remember much about this experience except for the following flashes of memory...

He wss very nervous and very cautious about safe play (which is good, because so am I -- I grew up watching terifying "AIDS KILLS" videos) so he wore a condom at all times and rubber gloves. He had me go into the bathroom to remove all of my clothes and don a pair of panties. When I came out, he had me get down on my knees and fish his cock out of his pants. There it was. My first cock. It was bigger than mine and uncircumcised. It had a good heft to it. I was curious about the taste but all I got to feel on my tongue was latex. I liked the warmth underneath the rubber. I kissed it, at first, before taking the head into my mouth and then seeing if I could take it all.

Of course, I gagged. He held my head down over his cock, which was a bit disconcerting to say the least. I had trouble adjusting to breathe through my nose while his cock twitched in my throat. It hurt a bit but I figured that this was the price a cocksucker needs to pay. He eventually let me work at my own pace, trying to find a rhythm and enjoy the experience. Wanted to change, positions, though, and had me lay across a large dining room table, my head off the edge. This gave him clear access to my mouth and throat. He fucked me like this for a while. It was very odd, being upside down and watching his balls get closer and farther from me as I tried to keep my teeth from scraping him.

We moved back to our original position and I got him to a point where he whipped off the condom and stroked himself to completion. It was fun watching him lose it and cum. There was no desire on my part to suck up his spunk or any of that. Luckily he didn't require me to. I've found that I'm not much for "cold cum." Either it comes right out of the faucet or that's it for me -- which leaves me S.O.L. when it comes to the times I've be required to eat my own.

After he excused himself to clean up, he came out of the bathroom wearing "playtex living gloves". They were a ridiculous shade of yellow. He had me lay on my back and remove my panties. Luckily, I found this whole situation to be stimulating and scary enough to be able to orgasm fairly quickly for him. I had visions of me not being able to cum as he flogged my meat to the point of pain (as had been the case with my unskilled Catholic girlfriend in high school).

Obviously, this guy wasn't very dominant. I wanted more than just "gay sex" -- I wanted all of the trappings that come with BDSM along with the humiliation of being used by a man. To that end, I kept looking for men but with a Dominant side. I found one man who seemed to be pretty promising and went to visit him in is palatial estate.

There was very little "getting to know you" involved in this. It was very much "come in, take off your clothes, get between my legs and blow me." Ummm... not exactly what I had in mind. I was pretty offended that I couldn't get him off with my mouth and a little put off when he took a big hit of poppers while I was blowing him. I don't know why -- probably my Nancy Reagan Anti-Drug Paranoia coming out. There was no discussion of me getting off either, not that I was turned on by any of this. He did pay me a nice compliment, though. Knowing that he was only the second person I performed fellatio on, he told me that I was a "natural born cocksucker."

Still unsatisfied, I tried one more time. This next gentleman was very nice and I regret that I didn't keep in touch with him. I think his name was Phil. I went over to his apartment and he treated me very politely before we began.

Our time together was just a little too intense for me and too much too soon in my bisexual life. He enjoyed kissing me quite a bit -- this was something that pushed my buttons in the wrong way. "Fuck me but don't kiss me," is how I was feeling. He also kind of freaked me out by going through my wallet when I was tied down and taking a lot of photographs of me in compromising positions. They were all Polaroids (I found out) and he gave them all to me at the end of the evening. He didn't take anything from my wallet -- he just was violating me by violating my privacy. If we had known each other better, I would have been fine with it. He also introduced me a bit to "breath play" by putting me in a gas mask with a rubber hose outlet and cutting off my air a few times. Needless to say, it was a very intense session and he scared me off because of it. Now I'd be able to take it, but not then.

Since that time, I've had a few brief experiences. I was with a pair of gentlemen for an hour and nearly had my "anal cherry" taken. However, I found out that a lot of guys don't care if they get into that back hole the right way, they just want to rub themselves off. That's what he did (inside the condom, of course) and his friend who was using my mouth didn't get off via my oral skills. It would be a while before I regained my confidence that I could give a good blowjob... not until I found Stephanie but that's a whole different story.

I'm still looking for a good Dominant man. Now I think I'd like a Phil -- someone both loving and harsh. I always think of this as a "Daddy figure." Someone who would use me for what they want but also fulfill me on the mental side as well. I want someone to play with my head, rather than just get head from me. I have faith that he's still out there -- someone who can fulfill the fantasies I've built up over the years. I'll share those sometime, too.

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