Dec 6, 2006

This is what you want... This is what you get.

My therapist and I agree; I have trouble stating my wants and needs. I tend to try and ignore my own feelings as the one BIG feeling I get most of the time, otherwise, is disappointment. People let me down -- quite often. And, because of that, I don't want to rely on them for anything -- especially fulfilling my desires.

I've been going through a "purge period" of my life of late. Not sure if it's brought on by the dead leaves and dirty ground all around or if it's just a natural cycle of death and renewal. I'm tired of these folks that take, take, take and never give anything in return. So, I'm pruning away these branches and hoping that this grows the remaning limbs to be even stronger than they were. I don't have time for the rest of the nonsense.

The question then remains... what do I want? I'm almost afraid to face up to my own desires. I'm scared of the things that bubble up from the dark recesses of my mind, and am especially antsy when they disagree (if not outright contradict) one another.

I'm holding my nose and diving in... I want to be fucked in the ass, I want to lick a woman's ass, I want to suck cock, I want to be teased and humiliated, I want to engage in roleplaying scenarios, I want to be taken to the outward edges of my pain limits, I want to feel helpless, and, more than anything, I want to feel needed and appreciated. Those are the tip of the ice berg.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

You are at an amazing threshold!! It takes strength to prepare yourself inwardly for the adventures ahead of you... I wish you luck, and plenty of understanding partners...

(And, since it can't be me, make certain it's someone worthy of your sincerity.)

The Woman in Your...